Our Journey: What is he telling me?

It's quite obvious, actually, if I would just listen to him. We get into such a ~~rut~~ routine sometimes and I easily become blinded. Thankfully, I have a wise husband with whom I can share my heart, knowing that he will accept my thoughts and feelings with grace.

Lately, my thoughts and feelings have revolved around my only son.

How could I have not seen it before Sunday? I know this about Ryan, and yet I was completely blinded. Ryan needs a lot in order to thrive; yet, at the same time, he requires very little-if you let him. He is one who really needs/craves mental stimulation, a hefty dose of encouragement, and lots of good 'ole quality time. The thing is, is that video games can appear to fulfill all of those things—at least on the surface. His video game time has always been limited, but it was constantly on his mind. Then, when his grade started to slip, we nixed the video games so he could stay more focused on school. That's when it got really interesting.

For the past several weeks, Ryan has not had much success with positive interactions. Mainly with his sisters, but with Rich and me also. And since he had more time to interact, I (mostly) had an abundance of opportunities to correct his behavior—many, many more negative interactions. Then, it seems to have all come to a head several days ago when I decided that we would unplug completely for the day (except for texting Rich, who was work). Wow. That was not a good day—at least not until late in the afternoon.

Over the past week or so, Ryan had lost many of his privileges and that day, I was ready to take all of Ryan's privileges away. All of them. Rich, in his wisdom, texted that perhaps we should do the opposite—maybe I needed to take him out and lavish him with love, attention, and grace. I was so angry and upset at the time, that the idea of showing him attention and grace really annoyed me—I wanted to show him how powerful my authority could be.

At the end of Ryan's hours-long protest, he (and I) were spent. When I told him our plans for the afternoon, he came back with yet another oppositional position: "Can't we just do something that I want to do after that?" I considered what Rich said and replied, "Would you like to go out later, just you and me?" Immediately, Ryan's body relaxed and he said through his tears, "Really?" And at the same time, a peace and love came over my heart that I knew was directly from the Lord. I told Ryan that we would go out on a date when dad got home and his countenance and behavior changed faster than I could have imagined. We spent the rest of the afternoon (what was left of it) having a great time together—him and me and the girls.

When Rich got home, we wasted little time getting out of the house, in a much, much, better place emotionally. We started with dinner at our favorite restaurant, followed by ice cream at the fanciest parlor, and then a side trip to the fancy car dealer, to check out some fast cars. By the time our evening ended, it was obvious that something divine happened to our hearts. We were connected—finally—for the first time in weeks.

I know Ryan needs a lot of quality time to thrive. I spend more time in his room chatting in the evenings each night than I do with the girls, but it's not enough. Rich takes Ryan r/c car racing often, but he and I do not spend much together alone. He really needs a lot more 1:1 time with both of us to thrive. That's just how he's built. I know this. I knew this before, but I'm writing it down so I don't forget or when I'm blinded by the busyness and routine of our lives, I can look back and remember. I hope never to be back in "that place" again.

Ryan has been a completely different child since our date a few days ago. And...I have been a different mother. There's...grace, and love, and joy, and connection! I'm sure there will be plenty of days ahead of redirecting and consequences, but, it sure is easier to swallow when he knows that his mom loves him. He was completely empty, and now his "love tank" is completely full. The part that I don't want to forget is not to wait too long before our next outing together. I know we're both looking forward to it!

Lord, you know the number of prayers that have been lifted up for Ryan—it has been many! Remind me to never cease praying for him. How I love him so. Hold him in your hands. He can't wait to grow up and be independent. You know the plans that you have for him, plans for a hope and a future. Pour your wisdom over him and into his heart; and draw his heart close to you, may he draw you close to his heart and seek you for guidance and comfort. Give me the patience and focus that I need to help build his character into the person you created him to be.