Today I had an opportunity to take the kids to school, an activity usually reserved for Rich. I took advantage of the opportunity to bring a "footstool" for Sara to use so she could sit in a chair and use her feet, if she wished. She seemed fine with the idea when we were at home asking only that I do it with her when we got there. When we got to school, she protested about bringing the stool in her class, but I did anyway. Over the course of 15 minutes or so it was quite clear that she was NOT going to take her shoes off and use her feet the way she does at home.
It is very important to Sara to be like everyone else. Even though she is extremely proficient with her feet, she will not use them at school; she does not like attention drawn to herself because she uses her feet-it is very anxiety-provoking for her...it is embarrassing for her. In the midst of her protest (and my convincing/encouraging/bribing), she looked up at me with pleading eyes welled up in tears...and I broke. And tears flowed. We left the classroom and grieved together for a few minutes before I took her back to her classroom.
As I left the school, I prayed. Nothing in-particular, just a daughter crying out Abba, just as I had countless times before since I was a little girl. I turned on the radio and "You're Beautiful" by Mercy Me was playing. It didn't help the flow of tears, but it was the answer to my prayer that I needed at that moment.
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
You are made for so much more than all of this
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
You are treasured, you are sacred, you are His,
You're beautiful
She is His. He knew her days before one of them came to be. She is His treasure, as she is ours. I just felt so bad for her, grief over the lack of muscle in her arms. Grief that we had even had to have such an upsetting exchange. After the Mercy Me song, Jeremy Camp sang "Walk By Faith" and it was good reminder of the Truth that I have clung to since the day she was born:
Would I believe you when you would say
Your hand will guide my every way
Will I receive the words You say
Every moment of every day
Well I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me
Help me to win my endless fears
You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do
First a song for Sara, then a song for me. Thank you Lord, not even once have You ever failed me.
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